I just read this article on Natalie Portman being “utterly cool.” Why did I read this? Because I’m an idiot. The bigger mystery is, how does this “critic” have a job? Obviously the dude has a major crush on Natalie Portman. Sure, she is attractive but there are times when she looks ugly. He names 6 reasons why she is “cooler” than other female actresses.
His number 1 reason; Be smart. Sure she went to Harvard. That’s cool, I guess. But do you know who else graduated from Harvard? The Uni-bomber. Is that the kind of company you’d want to keep? Not me.
His second reason; Be politically committed. Are you serious? Who gives a shit what famous people do politically? That makes her “cool”? I would have to disagree. Mostly it makes her an asshole. I don’t care if she is a vegetarian, I don’t care if she made a documentary for gorillas that no one will watch. That means nothing. Donate money silently and don’t tell anyone except the IRS about it. That would make you way cooler in my book.
His third reason; Date non-gross guys. This is seriously a reason why she’s “cool”? He gives examples of the guys that she has dated. I’ve never heard of any of them except for Jake Gyllenhaal and he’s a homosexual. (not that there is anything wrong with that) The other guys have all sorts of goofy French names. Isn’t Jake Gyllenhaal kind of “gross” though? I don’t follow his dating life but hasn’t he “dated” some skanky chicks? I’d look that up, but I don’t really care that much.
His forth reason; Work hard. Hmmm. That is interesting. One of his examples for working hard;
For the provocative “V for Vendetta,” Portman not only shaved her head for the role but, as part of her promotional tour, she lectured at Columbia University on the subject of terrorism and counter-terrorism.
I shave my head all the time. Does that make me “cool” and “busy”? Cool, no. Busy, yes, for the 10 minutes it takes to do it. And do you really want to listen to Natalie Portman talk to you about terrorism and counter-terrorism? Is she an expert in that field? No. Not even close. She graduated with a bachelors degree in psychology from Harvard. Think about that one for a minute.
His fifth reason; Have a sense of humor about yourself. He says that because she was on SNL and made jokes she can make fun of herself. I’ll give him this one, but I don’t know anyone that’s been on SNL that hasn’t done that. Including all of the celebrities he’s trying to bash, Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton. They have all been on (I’m not sure about Hilton.) and have made jokes about themselves. Where are you trying to go with this man?
His sixth and final reason; Have parents that support you — and who stay out of the spotlight.Sure that’s pretty good. But how does that make you “cool”? He says her mom is her “mom-ager” and unlike Lohan and Spears’ moms she keeps her out of bad situations.
Yeah. Seems like she’s doing a good job to me.
This article, like most articles on celebs is pointless and retarded. This guy is writing from MSNBC.Com and is making money off of this. That just makes me sick.
***UPDATE****
Apparently this dude is gay so he doesn’t have a crush on Natalie Portman, which makes this article even more confusing.
Filed under: Angry, Blogging, Celebrities, Funny, Life, Movies, News, Rant | Tagged: Alonso Duralde is a Hack, Brittany Spears, Harvard, Jake Gyllenhaal is Gay, Lindsey Lohan, Natalie Portman not Cool, SNL
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[...] Sans Brains wrote an interesting post today on This is a Joke Right?Here’s a quick excerptIncluding all of the celebrities he’s trying to bash, Brittany Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton…. [...]
[...] Sans Brains wrote an interesting post today on This is a Joke Right?Here’s a quick excerptDonate money silently and don’t tell anyone except the IRS about it…. [...]
She was cool cuz she was in 3 star wars movies! lol jk
Haha. He mentions Star Wars a lot in the story.
And I don’t count that because she was in all of the shitty Star Wars.
lol yeah, that is true.
LOL, Jake Gyllenhaal is gay, even though his publicists want him to be straight, and arrange him photo ops with actresses, like Whiterspoon, but everybody knows he’s homosexual.
i like natalie portman… but that article seems silly.
Jimmy - I don’t lie brotha.
Sassy - I’ve heard those rumors, I think they are true.
Lisa - She is a decent actress. The article is way over the top.
Eh.. check out the boobs on Scarlett. What was the blog about?
Nat - She does have some nice boobs
Hola fellow blogger. I realize I’ve somewhat fallen off the blogging map, but I thought you might be interested to know that I’m back in the blogging business, but at a new URL, and with a quasi-new format. Check it out, and I’ll make sure I get back to checking your stuff out more frequently as well.
http://thingstoconsider.wordpress.com/
The Artist formerly known as Sexual T-Rex
This most certainly makes me sick…hearing about (cough cough) “writers” who get paid for stuff like this, is the type of thing that makes me want to take my proverbial “writing pen” and shove it through my skull…
.
.
.
Doug aka T-Rex - Glad to see you’re back. I will check your new blog out and add it to the blog roll in a minute.
Romi - I don’t consider myself a good writer or a decent blogger, but I know I could come up with better stuff than this article. And I know what you mean about the suicide thing. It crossed my mind too.
Well I think you’re good at both things, because I’m smart and I would know
Does the wink face mean you’re joking? Haha.
Thanks though.
oh shit, replace winky-face wiith smiley face, because I AM smart and I would know….
Hahaha. Sounds good to me.
Obviously the writer guy was gay. He used the phrase “utterly cool.”
Yeah that went right over my head. I guess I don’t know the lingo.
That guy gets paid, while I eat ramon noodles. Life is pretty awesome sometimes.
Yeah, life is awesome like that.
What’s wrong with ramon noodles?!